The hits just keep coming. Not only do I have no hair… I now have no immune system either. My blood counts came back today and they were even lower and at a critical value.
This chemo thing is rugged. All I know is it better be freaking working! I can handle being locked up in my house if it means I’m kicking cancer’s ass. I’m not excited about it, but I’ll make it work.
Thankfully, I do not feel sick at all. I feel completely healthy actually which is better than I expected at least.
So I am bald. Like completely. No hair on my head anymore… Bald.
This sucks.
I’ll be leaving for camp a little earlier tomorrow it looks like. Lab results came back today and my white blood cell count is even lower than it was Monday. It’s not critical yet so thankfully I don’t have to be bubble girl, but it’s concerning because at this point it should be rising and not falling. Also means I can’t get my port put in tomorrow because I am at a high risk for infection. My counts have to come up before Tuesday or else I can’t get chemo either. It’s all very frustrating. I really want to get this port done because I’m already running out of good veins. I got stuck twice this morning when they were trying to draw labs and then twice more when they were trying to do an iv before my MRI. I can see this getting old quick.
O well. Heading upta camp tomorrow makes it all better. I’m excited to get out and have some fun and get my mind off all this mess!
Ok… So I won’t lie. Yesterday sucked. I’m trying really hard not to care about insignificant things like my hair, but it just doesn’t feel insignificant at all! Ugh.
So….many of you know it’s already falling out… And falling out bad. Thankfully I have no patches yet, but last night I bit the bullet and cut it short. It’s not shaved yet by any means but it’s a lot less devastating seeing short hair fall out than the long strands I had. It’s not even like I haven’t had short hair before; it’s just that I loved my hair long and was happy to keep it that way for good.
I do have a long haired wig now and it’s beautiful. Only problem is that it feels completely foreign. I literally feel like I have a cat sitting on my head.
Ok. Now that I have vented a little I will move on. The good news in all this is it means the chemo is working and destroying the cells it’s suppose to! Yay! A lot of people don’t lose their hair until after the second treatment so I guess I can consider myself lucky.
I am so thankful today for all the people who have come into my life and made this battle so much easier for me to fight. I just learned that the people I work with have donated 980 hours of sick time to me so that I won’t lose pay or have to worry about getting all my hours in. The support I have received from my friends, family, and coworkers has been unbelievable. I hate so much that it took this for me to see how truly blessed I am; however, I promise to take this as an opportunity to become a better Brittney. A Brittney who does a better job at not taking all the amazing people in her life for granted.
So many people are fighting this with me. All my friends and family near and far who have spent time worrying about me, praying for me, talking to me, distracting me, and loving me, all my coworkers who are working insane hours to cover for me and still donating time so I can get better without financial stress. I am so thankful for every single one of you and I will beat this just to pay you all back!
“If I am rare enough to get this aggressive disease, then I’ll be rare and aggressive enough to beat it” -Brittney,2014.
So Happy this first cycle is over. I don’t have to start cycle 2 until July 1. I just keep telling myself that even though this chemo is making me sick… It’s obviously doing it’s job.
Thanks again for all the prayers and finger crossings everyone!
Keeping positive.
Ok. Day 2 was a little rough. Didn’t quite feel like sunshine, but I did get to work for about 5 hours and see/talk/laugh with my friends there which is always fun. I just have to remember that even though this is making me sick… It’s what I have to do to get better. “Chemo is my friend”. Might be that friend you can only stand in small doses and can’t wait to send them packing their bags home after a short stay haha, but no less… Chemo is my friend. Only chance I have at beating this thing… So hears to me sucking it up!
So day one of chemo consisted of being hooked up to an iv for 7 1/2 hours ( I should have gotten to clock in with the rest of the staff!)
It was going well. I was having the time of my life torturing Jared into playing games with me (although he was a champ and did it with a smile).
But around hour six my vein decided it didn’t want to play anymore and the chemo leaked into my arm :(. Ouch! I was talking on the phone with Clarkson (from HR) at the time and thought I was going to drop the phone. It literally felt like a fireball going through my veins. Of course I’ve heard of it happening, but it’s usually when you have been doing chemo for a long time and your veins become weak. This doesn’t usually happen on your first chemo experience! Ugh! Now I have a huge knot/bruise on my arm and it sure didn’t feel like sunshine for awhile. The type of chemo that went in tho was probably the best kind that could. It just acted as an irritant ( and irritating it was!) lol other types could have caused necrosis (which means cell death). Yay! I got lucky hahahah. Needless to say Im going to have a port put in my chest to save this from happening again. But I have to finish this cycle first which means 2 poor days through normal veins.
The next 2 days I will only be receiving treatment for 2 hours each so hopefully it won’t be so bad.
In better news. They have me on so many nausea meds that I haven’t gotten sick yet. I actually went to the gym last night! I may or may not have felt like I got hit by a bus when I left my appt but I was motivated to do something that would make me feel like normal Brittney… And it worked. I felt great after I left.
My next chemo appt is at 11. Time to go look for some wigs before then.
Sorry this blog was so long. I’ll try to keep them condensed in the future!
Whelp… This party just got started. Currently hooked up to an iv in my nice little recliner about to start a game of Clue.
If anyone can make chemo fun… It’s gonna be me!
4 doctors all in one day! I now apparently have a team in Boston and they are all working with my oncologist in Maine so I can do my treatments closer to home. Also, my Dr in Maine and my Drs in Boston already know each other and are friends so there weren’t any hard feelings about the second opinion thing and everyone is on board with the same treatment plan.
Chemo first, Interval surgery, and then radiation.
The next 8 months isn’t going to be very much fun… But I hope to read a lot of books and play a lot of board games. Anyone who is interested in joining let me know!
Chemo starts at 9am tomorrow.
Goodnight all!
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