I think it’s all kinda hitting me this morning. I’ve been so overwhelmed with all the the love and support of everyone that I haven’t given myself time to realize this is sooo bad! My mom, my dad, my brother Robert, 2 of my closest friends from Oklahoma Willie and Krystal are all here to see me right now because this may be “their last chance”. Crazy! It doesn’t feel that way to me. On one side… I understand that this is completely serious. My body is deteriorating and allowing this cancer to spread like wildfire so quickly. None of this slow growing stuff. It’s kicked into full gear! Now I need a big miracle. However, I still feel like there is one out there for me. I don’t think God has given up on me yet. It might not be the timing I’ve had planned. We might not have that big wedding everyone was looking for in 12 days, but God has his own timing and will. So what… This amazing wedding/hoe down (hahaha) can turn into a celebratory party later on down the the road. It’s been such a true blessing these past few days to see my friends and family coming together this past week for me… Making sure I got to marry my best friend and spend time with everyone I can. Makes a girl appreciate how truly loved she is. My new in-laws are absolutely the best a girl could ever dream of having. I am so truly grateful. I have my new sister, Janessa, it’s by marriage, but she’s a true friend by choice. I love her so much! Her long-term significant other Zach and her brother Joel have also been supportive throughout everything. Carolyn my gorgeous mother- in- law and biggest medical advocate has given ever ounce dedication and love into my recovery. I have never seen someone work so hard.. I am in truly the best hands. Her husband frank has also stood by her side and mine giving us complete support with any and all things. My new in-laws Rick and Aeh have also have been so encouraging and supportive of all my my treatment. They have completely embraced me in as part of their family …offering hugs, prayers, and laughter whenever needed. I am so honored!!
I can’t wait to start thank you notes to everyone who has helped get me through these past weeks ! It will be amazing for me sit down and handwrite you all an amazing story about a miracle and how each of you have been a huge part of it. I have such a long list! I am so truly blessed. I’m just still not ready to throw in the towel. I will keep fighting even if it is just fighting from bed for a little while.
Tuesday, I’m going to go in and get a special test done to see if I might be a candidate for a chemo drug more specific to my cancer. Also hoping the infection is down enough so I can restart the “Texas Cocktail” chemo therapy I had to stop when all this mess started. I need the chemo in my body to do some real damage but we gotta get it there first! So tomorrow is a big day.
I ask that anyone who prays do some overtime for me today. We have a big God who can work miracles and I believe he wants to use me to shine this light for him so we can see when this is all finished he will be the only one to be praised and receive all glory. I would love to give him all the glory! Use me God! I will show this world your healing miracles and speak of your word and share your spirit to all.
When I was young, I grew up ok the ‘Bible Belt’ very different from here. A lot has happened in my life and I have always been torn since my later teenage years on what religion and Christianity mean to me. Jared and I are working on this together now, but what I do know is I feel like our own walks will God as well as our marriage with God and my Husband should be biggest priority. We may all attend different kinds of churches (all worshiping the same God with different rules and regulations) but it’s our individual relationship with Him that are the most important. God wants all his children to love Him and I think he’s reaching out to Jared and I to find him in all this turmoil. We are reaching out to you, Lord, we are reaching out to you. I know that my family and friends are scared right now and so am I, but let God surround us with hope and comfort. Our hearts our open to you. God you are in control.